Series: Gynazule #1
Published by Self-Published on February 28th 2015
Genres: Contemporary Romance, Humour
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Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.
Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.
How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.
Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.
I have to admit that I had my doubts about this one. The book cover and the synopsis would cause any reader to hesitate. Just from that, plus the forewarning written by some of the most prominent authors in the indie universe I knew it was going to be different. When I say different…I mean that it is outrageously crude and shockingly offensive. Days later and I am still astounded how all this was thought up and put into writing.
The story revolves around this awkward young woman named Dove Glitch. She seems to have the worst luck known to man. She regularly finds herself in these embarrassing situations where you can’t help but laugh your ass off at her predicament then feel guilty and sympathetic for the poor girl just right after.
It gets worst when she meets the man of her dreams… Johnson. I tell you, Dove sure tries her damnest to be the ultimate desirable woman yet the more she tries – the worst off she is. It doesn’t help that her lewd and meddlesome neighbors ( such as those crazy Anastasia’s) are constantly hindering her from obtaining her goal….which is for her cooch to get in on some action.
“If she had her way, they’d have so much sex they would wear his penis down to a nub. And if his penis was one of those nubby dicks, she would screw his fingers instead – because they were longer than some actual mans salamis. And if some reason that didn’t work, Dove would hump a vegetable from her fridge while he watched or supplied the ranch dressing. She was going to hump something tonight, no matter what.”
Dove, however, is one very determined woman who isn’t willing to give up despite the many obstacles that come along her way. Does she get what she needs, though? If you have one downright dirty sense of humor then read this one to find out!
That being said, this book isn’t for everyone especially if you have issues with genitalia being talked about in every other paragraph. For me, though, I would have to say that “Fire Down Below” was one of the funniest books I’ve ever read. There was this one scene in particular that involved juice and someone’s nose that has me giggling every single time I even think about the Olive Garden (just got an email about their new buy one, take one special). That restaurant is never going to be the same for me ever again!
I also need to say that I am totally amazed by Debra Anastasia. How she was able to write something as dramatic as Poughkeepsie then switch it up and write something this ludicrous is pretty impressive. It goes to show just how talented of an author she is.
I absolutely enjoyed this story. My only question about it is …. how does Mr. Anastasia feel about his penis making a cameo in this book?*snicker*